So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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