"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
