I'm gonna have a badass scar
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
