oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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