ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
