Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
