The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
