Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
