I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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