Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
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Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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