idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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