when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
