You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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