a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
