he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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