it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
