Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
