First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I could make wine with my vomit
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
