Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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