I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
