he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just high enough for therapy.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
