first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
