Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
