Swine flu. Run for my life!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
