I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
