last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
