I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
