I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Panties = found
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
