I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
