I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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