Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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