don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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