All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize