The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
