Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
