ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize