I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
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Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
A+ Viking dick
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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