Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My balls are so social today.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
