Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.