I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes