It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
be right there i have to get my cape
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
