she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!