i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
