just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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