Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just found puke in my bra..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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