I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
