No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
