Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
