I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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