Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
