sorry about calling you the devil all night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
