we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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