did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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