I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize