i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
