i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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