in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
how does that bad decision feel?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
