I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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