i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
