I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
