white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
