they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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