do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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