I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You pole danced in your parka.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
