When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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