I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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