I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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