If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
