Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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