I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
