did you get engaged???
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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