Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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