So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
